Should have listened

The bus driver who got mad at me and tried to kick me off got in trouble. Now, because of his ignorance and jackassery, all of the bus drivers have to go through a course learning passengers rights. He really should have listened to me when I was siting the law to him. He didn’t believe me and now they all have to have a human rights advocate come on and teach them what the rights of the passengers are. I know my rights and it made him angry that I refused to move. I told him he was being illegal. Still feel like a big man? Making a mentally unwell person have a panic attack? I have had a service animal for about a year and this is the first time anyone was a dick about it. Dad ordered some bandannas that say she is a service cat.

Willfully ignorant

City transit bus driver just told me to find an other mode of transportation because if someone is allergic to Wesker. I have been taking her on it for a year and they don’t seem to care it is illegal to not serve me as I have a service cat. The bus driver and I had a nice fight about it. Way to go big man. You made a girl with horrible anxiety have a panic attack. No one is answering their phone at dispatch either for me to complain to.

He stopped the bus and tried to get me to get off of it and I flat out refused siting the compassionate care companion bi-laws. At my stop he got off the bus to tell me to get an other mode of transportation because people are allergic to cats and I was hiding her. I wasn’t hiding her she stays in her carrier when out. She is trained to do so! She puts her paws on the window and looks out. I told him it is the same as him kicking off a blind person with a dog. His response to that was ‘people are allergic’. I told him he was being illegal, which he was, and I calling the main office. No one is answering though. I am livid! As if being in a hell of my minds own creation isn’t enough. I have to fight for my right to have a service animal.

Grimm

People didn’t really play attention to what I say. It is always a big surprise to people when they find out I love the Grim Reaper.

Friend: Wait.. What?

Me: I love him as much as unicorns and cats.

Waitress walking by: I assume that is a lot.

I like to say we have a platonic love affair, until I die. Then I am all his. I know he isn’t real, but I like to pretend he is.

Favorite 

I always believe that when parents say they love all their children the same. My grandparents clearly had favorites. I was my momma’s favorite and my sister was my Nannie and papa’s. My parents told us they didn’t have a favorite child. I believe them. I don’t have a favorite parent. I love both of them the same amount but for different reasons. They both have always loved my sister and I unconditionally. I just assume people love their children more than I love my fur babies, which is with all of my heart. I also don’t have a favorite fur baby. I love Padiddle and Wesker equally but differently. I didn’t think I could love another fur baby as much as Padiddle. I was wrong. It also helps that they love each other too. They will cuddle together all of the time. It is the best when they both sit on me. They snuggle pile me like I am also a cat.

Soft voice

Friend: He seems perfect for you. You should try to see if anything happens.

Me: Ew, he has a soft voice.

Friend: ……

I legit don’t care about looks. I do however have a thing for voices. I need someone with a voice that makes me melt and will read to me. Being read to is so calming. I have been waiting my whole life for LeVar Burton ‘s new podcast where he reads. He was my first crush. I have weird crushes due to my voice thing.

Horrible person

My sister forgot Nannie had cancer because of Nannie getting a brain bleed. I horrible because when I asked her if she knew about the cancer she said she forgot about it because she was so worried about the brain bleed. I thought it was funny at first that she forgot, but then I realized I reminded her of the cancer. I feel bad now, but she finds it funny she forgot too. So we are both awful.

Suicide edge

I told my mom’s best friend about how I have medical Marijuana. The way I can best describe how it makes me is that it doesn’t make me high it just take that suicidal edge off. With out them I would be plotting my death. She didn’t realize it was that bad. I keep telling people I am mentally ill. I am bad, but they never really get it till they see it or I just keep hammering it in. I act like I am okay not for you I do it for me. I don’t feel like myself when mentally ill. I act like myself because I want to be me. I don’t wear a mask I openly talk about mental health but me being not a ball of fuffly sweetness yet slightly demented is endearing and wonderful.

You know I am enraged when.

I got in trouble for telling my cousins about my Nannie having cancer. Is isn’t my place. You know I am enraged when I am anxiety riddled and am still angry and don’t care who is mad at me. Damn right, I am going to tell them! I love them like they are my brothers if they knew and didn’t tell me I would be pissed. ( If healthy. I get people hiding things from me because I openly talk about my mental health and really have to drill in I am not mentally well at all) It is like my mom having cancer and me not telling my sister. No one told me not to say anything. No one said it was a secrete. I am going to immediately ask my sister and my two cousins if they knew and why no one told me. They are family. I tell them everything! Turns out Mom did tell me but I forgot. I had to go through that experience twice. Go memory loss! I am not mad anymore, since I was told. I thought they needed to know. They love her to bits. I am also not 100% convinced Mom told me before about the cancer. I do have bad memory loss though. I don’t think I would forget that though.

What the hell!

Today I found out that my Nannie has cancer. Apparently mom told me before and I forgot, but my cousins didn’t l of either. Those is not something you hide from your grandchildren! Mom said she is going to get ripped a new one by me telling my cousins. The youngest is 27 and married. We are all adults. I was livid I wasn’t told sooner. Of course I am going to tell them and if anyone want to yell and Mom they can come to me. Even though I am an anxious wreck I will still be angry enough to take anyone on. When was she going to tell us? When she died? Surprise I am dead of cancer. I am the most fragile out of the family and I am fine. She is 91 and fragile. We knew it has been coming for years. We make the most of her and still will.

True story

When ever anyone hears about how I was treated by my father’s parents they always say they are so sorry. I forget that grand parents are supposed to try to love their grand children no matter what. They feel bad that I had to go through being actively disliked and no one hiding the fact they didn’t want me around. They didn’t want me before I was even born. My Nannie asked Mom why she would have an other child?

I honestly don’t care if people don’t like me. I believe this to be because they never wanted me. They never hid it, everyone knew they didn’t want me. I hold no ill will towards either of them and love them as a grandchild should. People shouldn’t feel bad for me. I my parents wanted and love me. I always knew they loved me unconditionally. Who needs grandparents when you have the best parents and sister?