I just learned that manic episodes can be happy, or not a negative emotion. I know that is dumb now, but I have been spending my time learning about my disease and how I can get better. Being manic is not a side effect of anxiety. I always talked to other people with anxiety about these what I call ‘OCD kicks’. It isn’t anxiety OCD it sounds like a manic episode.

The fucked up part is I didn’t figure this out with a mental health professional. I learned it from my from who has a bi-polar friend and was telling me a story about one of her manic episodes. I asked questions and then did some research. Mind you I am not usually smart. My anxiety gives me mush mind. I feel as if they would just evaluate me I would know what is wrong! How can I know how to get better if I don’t know what the hell I have? Or don’t know what to call things. I don’t know what is normal either, so I don’t know what to tell them is off. I thought hallucinations were something everyone had….

I have been requesting an evaluation since I went out of work (July 2016), as I have never actually been evaluated. My family dr said I had anxiety when I was referred to my psychologist. He was like ‘cool ‘ and since I was was clearly anxious and depressed he just went with that. He legally can’t help me more than medication now that the consulting part has long past. But them damn free clinic can! I fear I going to rage out on them my next visit. I honestly don’t care if I rip them a new one except that it will give me a crippling panic attack. I always have one after a rage.


5 thoughts on “That is fucked up!

    1. The manic happy where nothing can bring you down describes how I feel when I am extremely hyper. So now I am just confused. I have at least two manic type of episodes. After I learned about the second one I got angry and had to stop researching.

      I have followed you. ❤

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I totally understand! I haven’t experienced many positive manic moments (I can only recall a couple). Most of the time my experiences are negative. I’m diagnosed with Bipolar, Anxiety, Depression, Borderline Personality Disorder, a Suicidal Ideation. Some of those diagnoses came from different doctors. I’ve never been told I couldn’t be diagnosed after my initial diagnoses. I would definitely go to the free clinic for support.

        If you’d like to talk more, I’d be happy to chat! Having an accurate diagnoses helps greatly as you can get the right treatment sooner.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. I live in a poor province and we are lacking in the proper help for people like me. It is there, but they make you work for it and fight everything. It is repulsive. I am so sick I am on disability yet they don’t give me the resources I need to get better. I am fighting it for me right now. I am going to raise hell when I am better for those who aren’t lucky like I am to have a wonderful support system and people how love and take care of me while I am fighting the government on many different issues all surrounding my mental health. Medicare is great if you aren’t sick or have insurance.

        Liked by 1 person

      3. I’m so sorry to hear that. I truly hope you can get the help and support you need soon. Unfortunately healthcare surrounding mental health is truly the worst. There is more demand then there is supply for patients – not enough doctors, and too many medications that aren’t purely for a mental health illness. I hope that in the future, the CEOs of these companies will gain compassion instead of caring more about money.

        Liked by 1 person

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