Mom told me when I get bad I don’t hide my anxiety well. I told her when I get that bad I don’t care that I am not hiding it. It is past that point and is to the point where everything comes out rude and angry.
Mom: Do you know you are not hiding it well?
Me: Do you know once I get to that point I don’t care and how horrible and tortuous it feels to be at that point?
Mom: … No.. I don’t.
She keeps trying to get me to go over to my Nannie ‘ s for supper everyday, but I just can’t handle going outside my apartment every day. She didn’t realize how house bound I am.
It makes me feel awful that I can’t spend every second I can with her, but this is why I kept telling her it was selfish of my aunt to expect Mom to look after her mother in law her whole visit. I am her child, not an in law. My dad’s Mom made it clear my mother and I weren’t wanted until I went to university. She said I love you to me for the first time last Christmas and my reaction was “are you dying?” I love her and I think Mom should help and give my aunt a little break, but I am her child who is a mommy’s girl. My sister is a daddy’s girl. I have panic attacks because Mom is here and I can’t be over at my Nannie ‘ s with her all the time.