I hate when people say crying is weak, or crying is weakness leaving the body. Crying can be healing and sometimes have nothing to do with how you feel. I cry because I have a mental healthy disease not because I am weak. If I were weak I would be dead. 

     Do people who don’t have anxiety or depression have thoughts of sucide? I talk openly about it and casual like it is normal. People have odd reactions to it. I just assumed everyone had thoughts of killing themselves at some point. This is why I need to be evaluated! I assume I am the normal.  

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13 thoughts on “Mentally ill

  1. me either. the feeling that thats the only route to go is soul crushing and knowing how it made me feel and how so many others have felt…it just hurts me. and your post is incredible. it almost made me cry. i dont usually cry so easily :/

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Seriously, I had all the same questions a few weeks ago. read my blog! I recently learned that apparently it is way not normal and it can usually be fixed. Take a nice drive to a hospital with a behavioral health unit and go in through the ER. You wont regret it 😉

    Liked by 1 person

    1. The problem is I live in a poor province where we are behind in the times. I am the only person in my city with an emotion support animal. We have free health care but to a point. To get evaluated by the hospital I have to go to the out patient tell them I am going to kill myself and tell them the full plan on how I am going to carry it out. I will be on a 48hr suicide watch. I find this ridiculous so I am fighting to make someone evaluate me without having to go to the psych ward. Also who the hell goes to the hospital when they are going to kill themselves? They clearly have never been suicidal.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I feel your pain. I live in rural North Idaho and the hospital nearest to me does not have a psychiatrist. It is not equipped to handle psych patients either, they put you on a hold and transfer you to a facility when they find a bed which can take days. That’s part of how I got so bad, I had no easy access to do anything out patient. So I did go to a facility that I was told had a great psych ward ( which they now call a behavioral health unit) and I went in through the ER. Told them my story and “my plan” just like you but if you go to a hospital that’s good then they send you to their very well equipped behavioral health unit. Yes, it sucked that when you go somewhere they don’t know you and go in through the ER they treat you like you are dangerous until they learn otherwise. So I sucked it up and got put in the tiny white new person room and it really messed with my anxiety but you know what? For 8 days straight I talked to a GREAT psychiatrist, I had to leave all my burdens outside the hospital because there was no way to handle them from inside the hospital, I went to therapy and counseling sessions, and I talked to other people who had the exact same problem. Being inpatient in a good behavioral health unit is actually really great for our kind of situation because you get it all worked out over a long stay and you don’t leave until you are ready. Also, I had insurance but I was told by another patient that if you go involuntarily then after you go to court and they have to make decisions for you, then they also have to pay for you. So if you’re low income that’s not a bad deal. Have you researched where any bigger cities might have some solid behavioral health programs?

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Yeah, larger cities are better health wise. Also hospital wise. The psych ward here is not somewhere that is safe and healing, like it should be. I mean I am terrified of hospitals to begin with, but only because I read too much true crime and watch too many horror movies. Last time I spent time in the hospital a man was running around naked with one ear dangling from his head by a small thread of flesh. Also a room mate kept calling me June and threatening everyone. I was there to get kidney stones removed… So these were just ‘normal’ patients.

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