FI just realized that I should probably stop saying no to if I am having suicidal thoughts when asked. I mean I am not going to do it that is why I say no, but I have them. I always have them. Also I have a service cat because I can’t leave my house alone, so yeah of course I am going to have suicidal thoughts. No one wants to live how I am. People telling me I will get through it. There is no through it is life. It is what it is. I will always have a chemical balance and slightly off because of it. The question is just how long I can with stand like at this pace. It is rounding my year anniversary of getting really sick. Anxiety hasn’t killed me yet… Here is hoping I die nice and quick of something else.