When my mother was pregnant with me my father’s mother ( Dad’s parents Nannie and Papa, Mom’s Mom is called Momma) asked my mother why she was having an other child because I would never be my sister.  Mom having no filter and will not take crap from anyone said ‘I already have a Gillian, I would like a different child’. Growing up it was painfully clear my dad’s parents did not want me at all. I was a pest that they had to deal with if they wanted to see the golden child (my sister).  Now one would think since we are their oldest grandchildren they would have been happy to have a second one,  but nope. My mother made them take me when they asked to take my sister out. Because they didn’t want me so bad they stopped babysitting and looking after my sister all the time because of me. I grew up knowing they didn’t want me. They didn’t hide it and treated me as such.
     Now one would think that it would hurt my feelings. It didn’t. I hated going over there and wished they would just take my sister, but Mom would not allow favoritism if she could help it. My Momma lived with us since I was 4 until she died when I was 14. I was her favorite grandchild out of 10. She also had great grandchildren, but I was the sun and moon to her. She always came to family functions with my dad’s side of the family’s since she lived with us. I never once cared that I wasn’t the golden child since I had tons of love from my parents and other grandmother. 
   Growing up knowing I was unwanted and that I annoyed my grandparents I think is maybe why I don’t care if people like me or not. I am going to me no matter what and if you don’t like it, meh. There are enough people in my life that do love me for me. I don’t have to change to make people like me. It is there loss if they don’t enjoy the whismy and perkiness of me.  
   When I started University my dad’s parents then took notice of me and were proud. I am the only grandchild to go to university and they thought that was a huge deal. So I moved on up in their eyes. Papa is dead and Nannie is 91 and has softened over the years. She now treats me like my sister. I don’t hold a grudge and I have always loved her. I never hated them I just didn’t want to go be with them alone with my sister as a child. 

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