I feel guilty that I complain about my anxiety so much. I have a chemical imbalance causing it and there are so many people that have traumatic causes for their anxiety and depression. If I were and electronic device I would be dubbed ‘manufacturer default’ instead of user damage. I know logically that my anxiety is just as valid and I need just as much help. Therapy and excerises aren’t going to make mine go away. There is no break through moment that will relieve me (not that everyone has those) but when your free group therapy is run by a man who thinks everyone will have an ‘ah ha’ moment it doesn’t help at all.
    I feel guilty that I am a burden (even a burden of love) to my parents. Dad couldn’t retire when he was supposed to because of me. They couldn’t move back to Canada when they were originally because Dad has to help pay to look after my expenses because I don’t get much help from the government.  I can’t bare knowing I am an extra burden to them, especially since my sister is already in horrible pain and will be paralyzed in a couple years then she will need a back surgery. My grand mother is 91 and we don’t know how much longer we will have her.  So top all that up with now there is a horribly mentally ill daughter as well. I know I am their baby and they would do anything for me and don’t mind. They deserve a financially independent child who spoils them and takes care of them. They deserve more, but I literally can’t do anything about it. I  used the money my Nannie gave me for my birthday so that I could get Dad a little gift and mail it for his birthday. I could have made him something, but when I saw his gift I knew he needed it. 


5 thoughts on “Guilt

  1. I’ve decided to try to think my way out of my anxiety. Take my pills, talk to my doctor honestly, and do my part to minimize the effect of the low chemicals in my brain. I hope you and I can find peace.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I have had it all my life. I thought panic attacks were a normal reaction. It gets worse the older I get. I am open and honest with my Drs and social worker. Get them to share everything so everyone knows what is going on. It is helpful, but just enough that I don’t die. I am all for medication if it works. Honestly without medical Marijuana I would be dead by now.


  2. Aha moments are nice but they aren’t recovery or healing. It is a never ending process to get to the point where we can live on top of our anxiety or depression rather than drag it around everywhere we go.

    Liked by 1 person

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