If one more person asks me why I don’t work from home I may snap and hit them. Whenever I go to get help I am always asked two things. The first is why am I crying. I answer because it is my disability which I am here seeking help for. I have anxiety. The second is well can’t you just work from home? Why the hell would I be there balling my face off, sweating, shaking, and hyperventilating if I could work from home? Being home helps, but it doesn’t make the anxiety go away. I have a panic attack when ever I use the phone. I can’t read 50% of the time due to my brain just forgetting how to deal with my dyslexia. I am on disability. Do they think I am just on it for fun? They make it so hard to get, then when you do get it you have to jump through more hoops because they don’t give you benefits or enough to live off of. I deserve a metal just for keeping myself alive. It is so hard to not just allow the disease to wash over me and drown in it. I will fight with every fiber in my being to be me again. Carefree fun loving Jenny. 

         You’ve got to feel it, see it, know how much you need it

What’s the point in living if you don’t take a chance?

You’ve got to use it, lose it, know the chance to do it
What’s the point in living if you don’t wanna dance?  — Kylie Minogue.

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7 thoughts on “I just want tomorrow to be better than today

  1. I agree that most mental disorders, but specifically anxiety and depression are one of the most underrated disabilities that almost are never recognized. I would supply advice of some sort, but being honest, you likely have far more knowledge than I do and would not presume to be wiser in it.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. ❤ Any and all help is welcome. I just rant about the people who are supposed to work dealing with disabilities yet don't know anything about metal diseases. Mostly because it is so frustrating and repetitive. As a side note my social worker and family doctor are wonderful and the best.

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  2. You are not alone in facing this prejudice. However if you were on disability because you have a physical illness I wonder how many people would judge you? Disability support is there for people who are DISABLED no matter what they are suffering from. However don’t forget that you are still very ABLE and your disability isn’t all that you are. It is okay to take a break from work- we all do it. I know it’s easier said than done but please try not to let others prejudice get you down. You are a clever person and learn at your own pace. Xxx

    Liked by 1 person

    1. ❤ I am not at all embarrassed about being on disability. They don't pay for your medication, or treatments. I am currently in the process of trying to get benefits like for the medication I need and for basically dental and optic care. Also trying to fight for a therapist who is covered and for massages since the body is tight from all my muscles being tense all the time. When I move it feels like there are tiny razors cutting my muscles. That along with the massive knots I get should be covered with disability since it is a caused by my disability and makes it sheer hell to do my work out every day. It isn't. There all these rules that no one knows. Thank goodness for my social worker and family doctor. They call and demand help for me if they can't help me with something. Social workers are God's gift to the mentally ill. God bless them every one.
      I always appreciate your comments. They make me feel better. ❤

      Liked by 2 people

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