I hate being told not to cry, or hearing others being told not to cry. Why? Why can’t I cry? I don’t care that I am crying why shouldn’t they? The whole big girls don’t cry and men don’t cry is ridiculous. If you aren’t a crier that is cool, but I am so let me do my thing. I really don’t care if it makes you uncomfortable. You think I am comfy cozy crying? It isn’t pleasant and if I could stop crying don’t you think I would?  It is just so much fun having panic attacks and crying all the time. 
I also get asked why I am crying alot. Strangers ask and it is sweet of them to be nice, but nothing in my body language is in inviting. At first I used to say no reason, or I am fine. But then they come back with no you are not you are crying. Then it was a big conversation about how I have anxiety and am anxious. Mind you all of this talking makes it worse.  So now I sound like a jerk when I answer with a ‘ because I am mentally ill.’ I am so it isn’t a lie and it shuts down any more questions. I feel as if it isn’t hard to tell I suffer from anxiety by just looking at me. I shake, sweat, cry, hyperventilate, stand closed off, don’t ever make eye contact, ect. I wear pants more because I don’t want people to talk to me about my dresses. I normally only wear dresses. They are pin-up style and walk around with a parasol in the summer when super sunny so I don’t burn. So I kind of stick out in a city of people known to wear sweats and baseball caps  to the bloody ballet.

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