Having horrible anxiety means that I can barely leave my house on a good day. It takes everything I have in me. My body literally does not like leaving and I start sweating and shaking the moment I leave. I have panic attacks, uncontrollable crying, hyperventilate, and shake. I have a lot of appointments for Drs and specialists. I force myself to go to them all. If I can physically get there I will. My whole body screams to stay and begins to freak at even the idea of leaving. I get told good job for never canceling and showing up to everything. I don’t care who sees me having a hard time dealing with anxiety. The fear of being like this for longer than I have to is greater than the anxiety itself.
One of my specialists says they are proud that I contribute to my group therapy. It is not uncommon for me to have panic attacks there. If I don’t go and try to get better then I am literally putting myself through hell for nothing. I will do what I can to get better. It is the only thing keeping me going. This can not last forever I keep telling myself.
One day I will emerge from my anxiety/depression cocoon and emerge the vibrant free soul that I am. It has happened before, so why not this time? I just need to get through hell to crawl my way back to me.