Suicide is something that people need to talk openly about. When depressed and full of anxiety it hangs over like a lurking shadow. It only shows itself in the darkest parts and times of your life. Depression and anxiety warp the mind into thinking suicide is your friend. The only one who understands. Everyone else is better off without you. But it will take all the pain and suffering away, both for you and those around you who have to put up with your sorry unless ass. It calls to the mentally ill like a sirien’s song luring it’s prey into a deadly trap.
Talking and acknoledging being suicidal is important. If we have a free and safe space to talk about and be comforted it takes away part of the disease ‘s hold. Suicide comes with being mentally ill. The best way I describe what it feels like for me is sucide is like a cliff I am hanging off of. Some times have a firm grip on the edge and can almost pull myself up, other times I and slipping and and hanging on barely with my my nails digging in to the dirt. My claw marks deep and getting longer as I try despritly not to allow myself to fall into the pit that is ‘suicidal’.
People with grave depression and anxitey know how they would kill themselves. Even if not ill at the moment. It is a plan that has been thought that has been obsessed over and planned to the littlest detail. It is not selfish, since if ever exicuted we believe the world is better off without us.
The trick is to allow those thoughts and feelings to be heard in a safe non judgemental fashion. All that can be done is love and making sure that the thoughts stay thoughts and not actions. I have told people I am fine, but worry when… I tell people what my triggers are and to legit worry about me killing myself if they see the warning signs.