Yesterday I came home from group therapy to a bunch of bile vomit around the kitty litter area. I cleaned it up and Padiddle kept throwing up. There was just a hit a blood in. She wouldn’t let me touch her and growled at me. This is not normal at all. She is a huge sook for her Jenny. Ever since I got her I carry her around with me because she wants to be held all the time.  She is always purring and giving me love. At first there was no blood in her vomit so I thought she was just constipated because the same thing happened the week before. She let me touch and consoul her though. She passed her poo and was fine. This time though she used the bathroom and still wouldn’t eat, drink, or let me touch her. 
I called the vet balling my face off. They could not understand what I was saying because I was having a panic attack. All I wanted to know was if she needed to be taken to the emergency clinic or if she would be fine until today. Using the phone is so hard for people suffering from anxiety.  I have a panic attack no matter what the conversation is if it lasts more than 30 seconds and it isn’t my mom or sister. I had to call my mom who lives in the states to call the vet back because she understands my sobbing talk. Diddle is fine now. She used the bathroom a bunch more and is her old self. I have an appointment to take her in on Monday to see if there is anything that can be done so she doesn’t have to go through that pain again. 

It is hard to do anything over the phone and I always get asked if there is someone else who can talk on my behalf, or if they should call back an other time. I force myself to answer the phone because I am in the process of trying to get disability due to the crushing anxiety. I feel bad for people I call who aren’t use to dealing with mentally ill people. Like when I have to call to book a massage because my whole body hurts from massive knots. When it is the government calling to check on something or ask questions my answer to is there a better time to call you is ‘No, I have horrible anxiety this is what I need help for.’ Meanwhile if they read my application they would know the phone gives me panic attacks. 

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